December 7th marks a history event that stirred America to action against the tyranny of the Axis. If you get a chance, watch the movie “Tora, Tora Tora”. I think I first saw that movie while in Vietnam. It’s quite accurate. Hollywood made many films that reflect the drama the sneak attack by Japan caused. That will always be in the forefront of my mind.
However, on December 7, 1988 Papa had his torso opened from top to belly by the loving and caring doctors at the same hospital in which I was born. The world’s greatest surgeon, in my humble opinion, performed a quadruple bypass on my heart. That repair job outlasted his career. It’s my understanding he retired a few years ago. At the time, doctors were predicting 8 to 10 year expectations for heart bypasses. Plus 24 and counting is good by me. My fondest memory of my surgeon was his jokes. He came armed with one each day. He always extracted a belly laugh. Perhaps he wanted me to cough and gag on humor so that my lungs cleared. Or, perhaps he delighted in torturing me as an attorney. At university there was often friendly banter between law school and medical school athletic contests.
He came with lawyer jokes of course. “What’s the difference between a dead snake and a dead lawyer on an interstate highway? ……Skid marks in front of the snake.” Of course, I gave some medical humor right back. (I also found that lying to nurses/staff about fuzzy vision starting to clear can get a rise out of them. They want to take you seriously.)
A medical procedure often draws out unsolicited commenst/opinions from friends/relatives/visitors. One such pal said maybe I should worry because my surgeon only did one bypass with the left mammery artery. He said his buddy so and so had the best of the best and had both a right and left used for the re-routing of two bypasses. Good, now Papa had something to worry about. I couldn’t resist so I asked. The actual best doctor in the world looked at me and said, “The right artery is a little bit of a stretch.” Then he leaned back a tad and laughed, “Besides we need to save it for another day.”
When Papa says gouge he means gouge. Many years later a cardiologist at the VA hurried out of my examination room. She returned with a tape measure. Saying that other younger doctors would want to know she measured my chest and leg scars. One is from the ankle to nearly where it counts to get hit. Nowadays I guess little bitsey cuts are made. A racetrack wag up in Inverness claims his by pass was done while the heart was beating. I like a good joke but seriously; a surgeon with a sharp knife has to have a steady hand while a heart is quivering? (Papa doesn’t ask him for betting advice.)Reminds me of my hip replacement without anesthesia. The anesthesiologist and I were talking when I moved my shoulder. He said, “Stay still. Be careful. They have sharp instrumnets down there.” December 7th is a memorable date for me on a personal basis. When you need medical treatment look for a competent physician. One with a sense of humor is a bonus. For some reason I’ve found hospitals can provide unexpected sources of humor. I believe humor cures.